Many people ask me for ideas and tips for funerals. Over the past few months talking to hundreds of people I’ve come across some great tips and ideas. This blog will share some of these with you so you can better plan a funeral. They can be very simple, but can have a huge impact.

 

#1 Take Your Time

First of all, take your time. There is no need to rush a funeral, take the time to get it right. If anything many people regret rushing this part of the grieving process. Take your time to get it right, you only get one chance, and it can make all the difference in your grieving process.

 

#2 Choose the Right Venue

The venue is important, make it a memorable one. Where your loved one grew up, where you got married, renewed vows, local sports club where they were a long standing member, favourite holiday spot. If they were an avid fisherman – how about on a launch in the harbour? Holding a funeral at home is also a good way to keep it personal and intimate.

 

#3 Get Involved

Dress your loved one, write a eulogy, choose the flowers and music, add some photos. Choose something to do. Many families don’t realise the opportunities available to them to be involved in the funeral process. Talk to your funeral director and get involved. Never feel bad to ask the crazy questions because these often turn out to be the most personalised and fun things associated with a funeral and the things you remember the most in years to come.  Funeral directors want your experience to be just right for you. If you want to sit up front in the hearse – just ask.

 

#4 Prepare

If you are speaking at a funeral prepare and practice beforehand. There is nothing worse than a speaker just making things up on the spot (unless of course they are a seasoned veteran of public speaking – and even then veteran speakers still prepare!).

 

#5 Agree

If a number of you are organising the service make sure you all sit down to agree what will happen. This will save all sorts of issues in the long run. You cannot imagine how many times families have fallen apart over decisions relating to funerals. Remember emotions are running high and people don’t react as they normally would. Which is also why Wills are so important as they outline what your loved one wants for their funeral.

 

#6 Feelings

Don’t underestimate the impact of your grief and how you may react to things. It’s OK to take time out for yourself when you need to. We all deal with loss in different ways. Also be aware of others, and how they might be feeling – and don’t compare. Sometimes the best thing to say at a time of grief is ‘nothing’, it’s better just to be there for the person.

 

#7 Help

Funerals don’t need to be expensive. Let others help – just say YES. It’s good to give them something to do. The organisation your loved one worked for may also wish to contribute (perhaps covering catering costs etc…).

 

#8 Personalise

Make sure you personalise the funeral. Even something simple like releasing balloons can lift the entire mood of the day. Personalisation doesn’t have to be expensive. You can request people wear something in your loved ones favourite colour. Get flowers from your loved ones garden to sit on the coffin, or a favourite item. Play your loved one’s favourite songs. Read their favourite poem or quotes.

 

#9 Be in the Moment

When you are at the funeral be in the moment. Turn your phone off. The worst thing to happen in a funeral is someone’s personalised ring tone going off. This happened at my fathers funeral and what made it worse was that the same persons phone rang twice in the space of 5 minutes (they didn’t think to turn it off after the first ring!).

 

#10 A Funeral is Just the Start

Remember the funeral is just 90 minutes in the long journey of saying goodbye to your loved one. It’s a whirlwind of grief and stress in the first week or two, but having to deal with not having a loved one there forever more can take a lot of time to work through. Get support if you think you might need it. Losing someone that was such an integral part of your life can be difficult to deal with. Check out our Support Services page for a list of organisations that can help.

 

…And make sure you Remember Them in Your Own Special Way.