I received a phone call earlier this week from a lady organising a funeral for her loved one.
We had a great conversation around her family, culture and exactly what she was looking for. We also talked through a range of options and advice.
Three key things came from this conversation I thought were important to share.
1. Stop going with just one quote
I can’t stress this point enough. Just in one region alone that I checked last week the price of a simple cremation with no service can differ in price between just two funeral service providers by more than $2,300.
This point reminds me of the ‘What’s my number’ ad on T.V where you can go and compare power company prices. The end result is a post it note on his forehead showing the savings he could make from shopping around.
This is no different when organising a funeral. If you were shopping around for a car and one car cost $8,000 and with just one or two phone calls you found the exact same car for $6,000 which one would you purchase? Two thousand dollars is no ‘small change’ to many New Zealanders. So don’t make this mistake!
2. Stop assuming after you’re gone that your family will sort it all for you.
I don’t care what my family does for my funeral – I will be gone anyway and I’m sure they’ll sort it
It’s so easy (and convenient) to think that some one else will take care of it all after you’re gone. The reality can be far from easy.
How will they pay for your funeral? Do you want to be buried or cremated? Want a religious ceremony? Be buried where your parents are? Ashes scattered at sea? Have your body donated to science? – Make sure you have a Will in place and make these decisions now.
For some reason many families feel some sense of obligation to provide a somewhat lavish send off. In some circumstances if money is no object that will be absolutely the way to go, but make sure you still consider value for money.
For many others, paying for a funeral can put families into debt, as let’s be honest – not everyone has a spare $8,000 lying around. Let your family know you don’t want this to happen. A funeral is about saying goodbye to the person and reflecting on what they mean to you – not about how much you spend.
Wills these days are so important. If you haven’t had the chance to read our Wills blog – I suggest you have a read – What happens if I don’t have a Will. Most people really have no idea what the impact can be if you don’t have a valid Will in place.
When there is no Will and no one really knows what the person wanted for their funeral, you need to try and work through the decisions together (if possible) or respect the final decisions of the person who has been appointed executor of the estate. This could mean you have no choices.
But more importantly, I’ve lost count the number of people who tell me how their family fell apart over funeral decisions.
I don’t think she would have wanted that song at her funeral
People can be very emotional following the loss of a loved one. They can be very black and white in their thinking and decision making, regardless of who they might upset.
One of the most common things families argue about when organising a funeral is something as simple as Burial vs Cremation, or who the pallbearers will be.
3. Stop being in a hurry.
Take your time…..and…….pause.
There is no rule that says you must say goodbye quickly. Saying goodbye to a loved one can be very hard and can take an emotional and physical toll. Don’t underestimate the impact of this. Our blog The Grief Perspective – seeing it from all sides – covers this very topic.
Many funerals in New Zealand are held within 3 days following the death of a loved one. We are one of the quickest in the world when it comes to holding a funeral service.
Take your time to truly reflect on the person you are saying goodbye to and the best way to do this. Getting this part right can have a hugely positive effect on how you deal with the loss of your loved one.
And don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Check out our Top Ten Tips for Funerals for more ideas on how to say goodbye.
