Earlier this week I spoke to two different people who had recently lost a loved one. In this blog I want to cover something that I call the Grief Perspective, as in both these instances I thought about what they must be going through and how grief can very abruptly change one’s perspective and completely change the course of someone’s life.
There are a variety of people that have different grief perspectives when a loved one dies:
- The immediate partner or family members and friends,
- The extended family and wider network of friends
- Work colleagues and acquaintances
- People who have less frequent interaction but know the person (i.e. old high school friend, old football team members etc…)
- General public (in particular circumstances)
With the loss of an immediate partner, family member or friend, regardless of whether it’s sudden or expected there can be a huge sense of loss coupled with the realisation that the person will no longer be present in your day to day life. It’s the realisation that nothing will ever be as it was.
The other interesting thing to note is that even in the situation where you barely knew the person you can you can still feel a huge sense of loss. Which of course can impact you both emotionally and physically without you even being aware.
Perhaps your favourite actor or author dies, someone you played indoor netball with, someone who works at a local shop you frequent.
Whatever you thought was your ‘normal’ or ‘your world’ is no longer. The things you did together, the little sayings they had, how they greeted you each morning, the way they helped you reach your potential, made you feel safe at night, their ongoing support – has now come to an end.
An important thing to note is many people consider their own mortality at this point. They reflect on the fact that life is short and consider making significant changes in their life as a result of their loss. My advice would be to not make any significant decisions immediately after losing someone – take time to process what has taken place first.
Also remember that grief manifests in many ways and it has no time limit. You can go for months or even years without thinking of a person you’ve lost and then suddenly one day be overcome with grief thinking about them, and re-living the day you lost them all over again. The most important thing is to accept that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. When a person plays a role in your life – big or small – they all leave a gap that no one else can ever really fill the same way. After all everyone is unique.
The only thing left is acceptance – accepting that they are no longer there and that things will never be as they were. As we progress through the stages of grief and we slowly move to a different ‘normal’ we will never forgot what they meant to us and how much they impacted our life.
