I have spent the last few weeks reading through literature regarding funerals and the traditions related to funerals both within New Zealand and internationally. The short answer to ‘Do I need to have a funeral’ is No.

But this blog is all about the importance of taking time to say goodbye to your loved one and why I believe holding a ‘service’ of some kind is so important.

The concept of having some sort of farewell for a loved one has been around for thousands of years, and has taken many forms. Even back in Roman times they made offerings to the Gods, and erected huge temples to honour the dead.

In more recent times New Zealand families are taking time to really think about the best type of farewell for their loved one and are thinking more about how they can personalise a farewell.

I encourage families to take their time to think carefully about what might be most fitting for their loved one. Even the smallest level of personalisation can bring a huge level of satisfaction and sense of peace – that you’ve said goodbye in ‘just the right way’ for your loved one.

Some simple (and affordable) ideas for personalisation:

1. Asking attendees to wear something in your loved ones favourite colour.
2. Having your loved ones favourite flowers at the ceremony.
3. Holding the funeral at their home or their favourite place if this is possible.
4. Playing their favourite songs at the service.
5. Placing their favourite item (T-shirt, toy etc…) on their coffin.
6. Creating a ‘memory tree’ for people to write and hang ‘memories’ on during the ceremony.
7. Allowing attendees the opportunity to write goodbye messages on your loved ones coffin.

I would suggest a ‘Funeral’ as such can take many forms. In essence what you are doing is taking time out to remember your loved one and say goodbye in your own special way. Whether that be a service at a church, the local gardens, where you got married, or an evening event, it is important not to underestimate the value of this process.

A service provides the opportunity for family and friends to come together to support each other at a difficult time. Funerals can provide a sense of closure – an opportunity to truly celebrate the time you had with your loved one and the impact they had on family and friends.

An alternative to a funeral service could be a ‘celebration service’. Something that is held before a private family funeral takes place. A celebration service may not necessarily involve your loved one being present, but could focus on all the aspects of their life and taking time to celebrate these.

So, No – there is no legal obligation to hold a funeral. But I believe it’s important to do something.

It is important not to underestimate the impact of losing someone. Holding a service can go a long way to helping you through the grief process.

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